Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize