you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
