I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
