My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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