the condom got lost in my hair
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
And then the night went full on bisexual.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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