My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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