i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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