dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
