i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
