could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I pour the whiskey from now on
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
