Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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