I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
being pregnant is like rehab
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
