That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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