She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
