I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
