I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
