Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
