i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
