he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
