Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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