Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
