Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
