My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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