I want to stick my p in your. b.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
