I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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