she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
