Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
