conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
