The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We need to get me chipped asap
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
