Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
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