I never want to see another naked old woman again.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
