I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
