he shaved USA in his pubs
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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