The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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