Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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