I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
