The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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