oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The best revenge is premature balding
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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