You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Is Oprah even human
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
