i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
