Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
