She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
