I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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