Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My life is pants optional.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
