I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
