I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
