dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
