I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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