I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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