My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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