Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
