the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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