I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We left an ass print on the piano.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
