Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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