Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
