IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
