I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
