$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
