I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize