ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
