no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
