just tell him i said nine months
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
